Monday, April 14, 2014

Answer Me This....

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 10:35 AM 3 comments
Linking up with Kendra at Catholic All Year for some burning questions. Burning in a good way folks. 

1. What time do you prefer to go to Mass?
I happen to like the 11 am mass at our parish. B likes the 9 am. Personally 9 is too early for us, I have my long runs on the weekends and at the moment I am setting an alarm for 3:50 am to get them done! I don't want to get up any earlier. SELFISH I KNOW. 

2. Would you rather be too hot or too cold?
Too hot for sure. Look I really don't like either. BUT I am currently freezing my baguettes off in the office. It's 75* outside and I am wearing a t-shirt, sweatshirt, and a jacket. The air conditioning is on and it's on too high. 

3. How many brothers and/or sisters do you have?
I have one brother. Younger, he's 8 years younger. 

4. If you were faced with a boggart, what would it turn into?
I know this is a Harry Potter reference. However I have never read, or watched. So I am just saying UNICORNS RULE because; well they do. 

5. Barbie: thumbs up or thumbs down?
I am kind of indifferent. Because I have a pretty awesome kiddo. She understands that everyone has a different shapes, sizes and "images". She doesn't play with Barbies all that much anyway. 

However. Being a former fluffy girl I get the No Diet movement, I get the other side of it too. I see that there is hatred in the world for people of size, but I also find it deplorable that people have an issue with the fact that people would like to have a healthy lifestyle by choice. At one point I was engaged in a disagreement about Fat Shaming/Versus Diet Talk. It's OK for me to want this for MY life. But I understand what whomever wants for their life! 

6. If someone asked you to give them a random piece of advice, what would you say?
BE YOURSELF. Breathe. It's OK to NOT BE PERFECT. Nobody is. 

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Life Lately.....

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 9:52 AM 1 comments
Pollen? Or the visit to Chuck E. Cheese? (WHICH included a ton of hand sanitizer). I am taking bets on which of these items has resulted in one of the worst colds I have had in awhile. I would imagine the trip to Chuck E. Cheese didn't help anything, does it ever?

Let's get on to what's been happening lately in our house! 

See the decorations above the windows? They have been there since Emilee's birthday party, along with the handmade snowflakes that B made for the party. I like them! I don't want to take them down!! I know I need to but they just add a little bit of fun to the kitchen. 

Outside of needing to turn our letters around how awesome is it that she leaves love notes for him! Smitten. I am too. 

Can we talk about his belly for a second? The level of squish is pretty insane (in a positive way!) and he is the most loving and adorable kitty. This big fella lays like this EVERY NIGHT. From time to time I will wake up in the middle of the night and go to get a drink of water or something and I see this......Sprawled out. ASLEEP. How in the world? I will mention that a few days back he was awake and lying like this and accidentally fell off the bed. Oops. 

If you follow me on IG (@cpcakemama) you've seen that I have been in shoe hell for awhile. During training for Disney I had to make a switch when it came to my shoes. WORST timing ever. However (naturally) it all worked out and I had found "the shoe". Guess what? It was a later model for the company who made it and well I can't get them anymore. SO after many sessions in the running store and on the road I *believe* we may have found a replacement. 

I understand that for most this isn't life changing or earth shattering. When you sped countless hours on the road with pavement and your thoughts you need the right shoes. 

My journey is taking a few twists and turns lately, and I will admit I am a little bummed I am not registering for Disney this year but.....I would rather go home. We haven't been home in a long time and everyone has been forgoing their vacations for me to run. Not fair. I am however stating now that for my 40th (January 2016) I will be participating in Goofy's Challenge again. FACT. 

I attended my first Rosary meeting this week. Beautiful, amazing and welcoming. Awesome stuff. 

What is going on in your world?

Friday, April 4, 2014

Tagged and Bagged.....

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 10:08 AM 3 comments
Guys? If you don't read or follow Kendra at Catholic All Year you should. She is pretty amazing.! 

She was tagged with a Liebster Award and has tagged me with some questions. 

1. Where do you live? And why do you live there?
We live in Houston Texas, we are Michiganders by blood and will never change. We live here for a few reasons. One for the medical care at MD Anderson. Two there are more opportunities here than in Michigan. We dislike it with a serious passion. 

2. What's are you currently watching and/or reading?
Reading Waking Up Catholic, I am really enjoying it. Watching? Well I am an ID Addict. The TV in the bedroom is ALWAYS on the Discovery on ID channel. Always.

3. What kind of Catholic are you: cradle, or convert? (Or considering?)
Raised Catholic, fell away from the church, so a revert. Working VERY hard on understanding the faith, growing in it, raising my child within it and not being a half-.....ed Catholic. I am going all in. It's worth it. 

4. Can you point to one moment or experience that made you a practicing Catholic? (Or want to be?)
Sitting in the movie American Hustle (I know right?!) thinking about our "prior" life in our home, in Georgia, new daughter, new marriage, new life and I remembered sitting at my desk in our home office looking out the window thinking this is what I waited my whole life for. I woke back up from this day dream and had this unsettled feeling the rest of the day. I kept thinking about WHAT made that life so different than the life we have now; outside of losing all of that. Faith. I was attending mass on a regular basis in GA, I was focused, I was a good wife, I was a better mom and a better person. 

5. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Oh boy. Hmm maybe 100? I will say that 98% of them are running shoes, and I am ashamed to think of the amount of money we have wrapped up in them. As I search for my next marathon. 

6. Are you a good dancer?
Has whiskey been served? No. I am not a good dancer on any level. It's fairly painful to watch actually. 

7. Who usually drives, you or your husband?
He does. I am terrible with directions, road rage, stress and well anything when it comes to driving. He can be in a city once and know exactly where to go and how to get there. I follow the plan of landmark driving. Malls as my landmarks. 

8. What's your favorite holiday and how do you celebrate it?
Easter. My mom was a pretty awful parent overall but she always made a huge effort to make my Easter Basket something that stood out from all of the other holidays and presents. I LOVE Easter candy too. These were my favorites HOWEVER they are impossible to find now.  We will be going to mass, and probably being pretty low key. With no family in town it makes it difficult to celebrate holidays. 

9. Which is correct? Left or right?
Left.  Honestly? I would just be excited if the Boy and the Little Person could navigate the difficult seas of the toilet paper roll Bermuda triangle. It seems there are some rough seas between the roll running out, throwing it away and PUTTING IT BACK ON THE ROLL. 
Tough times. 

10. Do you have any scars?
Yes, a few. One really large and gross one on my leg. 

11. What's the most famous thing you've ever done? 
Hmm famous. Well being on the radio is how we moved here. I had emailed one of the bigger stations here after finding out MD Anderson would take me as a patient. We were featured on a segment called Houston's Heroes.  I explained that we had been living in different states (me working in IL and B and E living in MI) and that we wanted to be together, working and having me on the road to recovery. One of the listeners worked for a large company here, told her boss what we were going through and they CREATED a job for Brian. We moved. We started over. We are blessed. 

Thanks for tagging me Kendra :) So fun. 

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Life Lately......

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 12:56 PM 0 comments
Life Lately consists of: 

Outside my window: It's rainy and beginning to be VERY muggy. This is about the time I start to lament about Houston's weather (often). Last weekend WAS PERFECT. I went out for my long run and it was GLORIOUS! In fact I came back and my lips were blue!! I didn't think it was "cold" but apparently my body did. I felt amazing in a tank top with 50* weather and no humidity. 

It's about to get hot and I am not interested. I did pick up a snazzy vest for running at 2-3 AM. I am thinking of going to an open casting for America's Next Top Model; thoughts?

I am thinking:  A lot about quitting my job, homeschooling E and being knee deep in macaroni necklaces by this time next year. Don't get me wrong I feel very blessed to have a job by no means is it a career or where I would have imagined to be. However it help supplement our income, keep bills paid and us on the road to recovery after losing it all. BUT I feel like I am losing it all by working in such a soul sucking environment. I understand I could look for a new position, I have tenure and *perks* so it's a toss up. I just have to keep pushing. 

I am thankful:  For the courage to reach out to the Mother's Group at the church, for the awesomeness that they have shown me and for them offering meals, baby sitting services, an ear, a hug, and or just to show me the ropes with the church. I am a lucky lady. 

Learning all the time: Patience. Love. Patience. More PATIENCE. Friends I am Italian and I have to explain that patience is not a virtue that I consider my strongest. My weight is an "issue" I am SO CLOSE to my goal, taxes, work, marriage, faith, kids.........You couple all of these things and well my patience is short for allthingsallthingsallthings. So I am counting (silently of course) a lot, praying for patience and to SEE the reasons, or the lessons. 

From the kitchen: I am trying to cook at least one "different" thing per week for B. Our week night dinners are a whole lot of eggs, sandwiches, or quick and easy things. I need to step it up some. Saying that I am not sure that a baked potato with chicken and fried eggs is considered gourmet, but he liked it. 

I am reading: Waking Up Catholic. I am really liking it too! 

Around the house: I need to attack the garage again. I need to purge older clothes. I need to release the baby stuff that won't ever be coming back in to the house. It's been long enough and it's time. I can do it! 

What are you working on? Reading? Making? Loving?

Also follow me on Instagram @cpcakemama

Monday, March 31, 2014

You're Doing It Wrong...

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 12:53 PM 1 comments
I was wrong. Like super wrong. 

I love the online communities that I partake in. I have met some really amazing people, but I have also met some people who have really made me doubt my ability to make and keep friends. Friendships are really difficult to maintain as a whole. You have a busy life, your family, job, other obligations and all sorts of variables that make it difficult to stay connected. 

BUT if you are diligent you are able to make it work.

I can count on one hand the # of true friends I have. People I have spent time with, people who I have expressed my grief, joys, accomplishments and defeats with. People who would BE HERE as soon as they could, not ask why, who or how it will benefit them. I understand it is human nature to include that in your thought process but it is nice to have people in your life who omit that to deal with the NOW.

When Brian and I met I was VERY outgoing. I decided to contact HIM, ask HIM to marry me and was good at mingling and getting out to invest and entrench myself in his life and surroundings after moving to Atlanta.

When I got sick that all changed.

I knew from the moment I started the laundry list of appointments, surgery, "treatments" and trial and error by doctor I was in for a long haul. I had no idea the impact it would have on my personality. With each shrug of the doctor's shoulders or dead end I hit a little bit of me closed off. More and more became bricked off from the world and little by little I became more reclusive and introverted. I began having panic attacks, falling in and out of depression and struggling heartily with the connections I have in my life.

I started delving into the online world much more than making connections in the outside world. Depending more on my e-mail than a phone call or a chat with a friend. I was quickly becoming someone I did not like.

My comfort zone was that of having B take me everywhere, making sure I didn't really talk to anyone and trying to stand in the shadows as much as possible.

When I decided to go back to church I decided to go all in.

I reached out the mom's group through the parish. Yes, it was scary and yes it was VERY unlike me. I sent a letter stating where we were on our journey, why, how we got there and what I was hoping to find. The response I got was overwhelming.

We were invited to an event at a local park yesterday to play and have pizza with the other young parish families. I walked up, I introduced myself and TALKED to a lot of people. I was so nervous, so scared and so afraid that they would not accept me. I know my presence is hard to ignore right now. I am bald, tattooed and timid. Odd combo right?

There may have been people who were put off by me. Not knowing me, or wondering where I had come from. To be quite honest if they were there I didn't see them. EACH woman that came up to me expressed a genuine interest, a genuine compassion and most of all a smile and a hug. We are mom's we are in the trenches together and understanding that we all fight the same battles is OH SO IMPORTANT.

To say I was hesitant would be an understatement and to express the gratitude I have for the welcoming arms would difficult. Our family has been struggling making it's way and I have to admit that the fault probably lies directly on my shoulders and with my inability to move past some of the obstacles.

I am determined to continue proving myself wrong and to continue building a foundation for all of us. We are adding tools to our tool box everyday and brick by brick we are rebuilding our intentions to what we wanted before everything was put on hold.


Friday, March 28, 2014

Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real....

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 9:07 AM 3 comments
I am taking a page from Little Saint Big Sinners Blog today..

Highlighting some Pretty, Happy, Funny and Real moments from this week. 

When we went to church on Sunday one of the things I noticed and Emilee too was the stained glass. We were in the ladies room we actually had to use the men's room because E HAD to go. E was commenting on the "watercolor" glass. She kept saying it looked like melted crayons and how pretty it was. I agree! She asked about a million questions in regards to replacing our windows! Haha. I wish! 


On Saturday of last week we ventured off to the Haute Wheels Food Truck Festival here in Houston. I have to say this wasn't really my thing. I was not feeling well at all on Saturday and the sun beating down on us was making it even more difficult to enjoy the festivities. However B and E were pretty much LOVING it. So many different things to try. B settled on Chicken and Waffles from the Waffle Bus and some crazy burrito. Emilee of course was smitten with the Good Dog bus and all of it's offerings. 

I settled on an English muffin with some PB and Bananas. I know. But my tummy thanked me! 

(Side note: This girl's teeth! she has one of her two front teeth coming back in. It looks HILARIOUS!) (I am going to miss them being gone). 

A few nights back I made the mistake of giving her a bath and giving her dinner AFTER. What did she want? Ravioli of course. Is it just my kid or does everyone's seem to get spaghetti sauce EVERYWHERE but in their mouth? Also I am not sure I have seen anyone but her eat bread in a fashion where it leaves a trail ALL OVER this kitchen. 

She is lucky she's cute and that I keep the broom at arm's length EVERY DAY. 


I was really proud of myself this week. One of my main focuses this week was to disengage a bit at work, slow down, get out of the "normal" lunch routine. Which typically includes a bunch of gossip, my boss bashing everyone for all of their short comings (because ya know he is perfect!) and feeling pretty uncomfortable the whole time. So I brought my Kindle, I packed my lunch and sat at my desk a few days and read. I prefer leaving since I can get away from everything and I think the plan next week will to pack lunch, scoot out and drive somewhere and just SIT. One of the books I am reading is Waking Up Catholic it's a pretty interesting read. What are you reading currently?


I hope you have a great weekend. Errand running for us, garage cleaning, (boo!) and I am HOPING for a movie date on the couch with my man. We shall see if the lady of the house agrees with that plan. 

Thursday, March 27, 2014

You're Doing What? Why?....

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 1:13 PM 2 comments
I feel the need to elaborate on my last post. I also feel the need to clear the air for a few folks. 

I have a very "connected" life, I have a blog, I have social media, and I have people I speak with on a daily, weekly, ....whatever basis. People know me, they know my character and they know where I have been. 

So I believe that my "new" stance on some things is going to be off-putting to some people, I will probably lose some friends, or people whom I talk to and I will most likely differ in opinion from time to time from some people I REALLY care about. That's OK. 

I started my journey back to having a center of gravity if you will about a year ago. I started reading a lot about my faith, A faith, anything I could on HOW the fundamentals were established and if I could agree or support those ideas. I also started keeping a journal, secretly, about my emotions, my thoughts on how these feelings were formed and what I was "netting" by having these feelings. 

Looking over a years worth of writings and or feelings I came up with two things. 

Bitterness: I am bitter, I have a terrible tone when it comes to a lot of things, I make snap judgments, and opinions about people, places and things. My bitterness would turn into a "bashing" session of people I didn't know at times, people I have known for a long time and a long gossip fest about things that had nothing to do with me. It also resulted in my saying "well if they don't like me or want to deal with me than obviously it's them". No; honey, it's not. 

I remember a time this past year B and I were watching a Hoarders re-run and a lady was being featured and people kept referring to her "fits" as Bebe (her name) fits. "Oh everyone knows that Bebe is just that way and she has these fits". I am not even sure why but I turned to Brian and said; Gosh I hope I am not that bad. He kind of chuckled and said well we could rename the fits. 

It stung at first but it was/is true. 

I would catch myself in the mirror in one of these moments and think I look just like my abusive mother. I look angry, mad, bitter, hateful and the biggest issue? 98% of the time my reaction to whatever pushed me into this rage was ALL ME. There was a better way to handle it. To be the bigger person or to not have gotten to this point. I was choosing the gutter over and over. 

What was bitterness producing

Blame: I can blame Brian for a lot of things that are wrong, I can blame him for some of his shortcomings in our marriage, I can blame my parents for having a difficult life. I can blame my boss for being a jerk and for my days going so poorly because I am here and in his space. I can blame my weight, running, cancer, illness, lack of sleep, the moon.............

At the end of the day I could come up with a million and one excuses as to why I was miserable. In all honesty? I have a lot of reasons to be unhappy. 

I have a very tumultuous life. I am very busy, I have little to NO free time, and I have even less time to connect with my spouse. 

On a lot of days? Life really stinks. 

However. Maybe it's the Italian person in me or the want to be person that I am trying to strive for I REFUSE to sink. I refuse to give up and I refuse to allow negative emotions that don't really have a lot of merit rule my life. Outside of B coming to me and saying "I need/want/will leave" I refuse to go through another divorce or allow Emilee to go through that. Is our marriage bad? No. But it needs work. WE need time and we need to be Team Ream again. It's long overdue. Fact? Brian and I love each other A LOT. 

I understand that being stand-offish and "I hate everyone" is very NOW. I realize that drugs, smoking, and alcohol relieve a lot of the issues mentioned above. I realize that organized religion is looked down upon and that the Catholic church has had scandal. I realize their opinion if often unpopular and I also realize: 

That a woman who has dropped the F bomb more than a dirty truck driver, who has a divorce under her belt, several tattoos and a love of scotch is an unlikely Catholic. 

Apparently pigs are flying; heads up. 

I am not trying to rock the boat and I am most certainly not going out of my way to create havoc in my circle of friends. I believe that the people who do love me for me will see and understand that if I don't strengthen my grip on my version of reality and focus on my marriage, my daughter and my inner peace this will become a very silent spot. 

I want to be HIS wife and HER mom first. I want them to know that my life and my heart revolve around THEM and not the opinion of people who are not my child or the man I married. 

I feel awesome about the support I have and that people can evolve and find peace in unlikely places. That is what makes whomever your higher power is really amazing. 

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