Tuesday, June 9, 2015

What Do You Say?

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 8:44 AM 0 comments
What do you say after an extended (like super extended) absence from writing and sharing on your blog? 

I am sorry would seem as if y'all weren't able to go on with life without me....so we know that is not the right route to go! I am back!!! Would imply that I may or may not be here more frequently; so I am going to go with: Let's Catch Up.

We've moved. Across the country, to our "home" to Michigan. 

Texas is/was very good to us, it allowed B to take his career to the next level and expand his network quite well and provided us an opportunity to move here and try to plant some roots back in our home state. 

We are the PROUD owners of our very own home again!


I would be lying to you if I said it has been easy, fun, like-able or anything but a learning process. 

Emilee and B have excelled here, they are happy here and well I am rocking along here. Being in Michigan within 20 miles of where I grew up, got married, and lost a lot of my life in a cycle of abuse, craziness and family feuds has been anything but desirable. It has proved to be very difficult for me and some things that I felt were really positive in my life have taken a nose dive and I am being candid in saying I have had to seek an army of help to pull me out of the trenches. 

If you follow me on IG you are aware of the battle I am facing right now with anorexia. You are aware of the road to recovery and are supporting more than I could ever imagine. I cannot express to you the gratitude I have for each comment, direct message or "you go girl" I get. These proclamations of your faith in my getting better have been instrumental in taking the plunge to ENSURE I follow my plan, I excel at it and I HEAL from the inside out in order to make the most of the life I have here. 

I never thought as a former 400# person I would be battling an eating disorder or that at some point I would become "too skinny". It seems so much of my life was focused on losing the weight, keeping it off and trying to transform my body into something it was never going to be regardless of the # blinking back at me each Saturday morning on the scale. 

So in a pretty bold move after many attempts to deceive my coach, Brian, my heart and my head I did something I never imagined I would do. 


I threw the scale out the back door and said goodbye to my emotional attachment to the #. My lowest weight was 118#s and at almost 5'9" and eating less than 600 calories a day my behaviors were anything but "healthy living". Recovery started in Feb, but I never gave it a fair shot outside of ONE KEY variable. I started lifting weights in addition to running. 


My days are FULL, my workouts are TOUGH and my running has improved TEN FOLD. If you would have asked me 6 months ago to pick up a weight I may have only to throw it at you. 

I AM IN LOVE

Running is great, and I am about to begin training for Goofy's Challenge again in a month and I am thrilled; but I am even more thrilled or elated that I am able to work with a BRILLIANT coach, I have a beautiful team made up of strong and encouraging women and I am transforming my body in ways I never dreamed were possible. All while trying to mend the broken parts emotionally and physically speaking. 

I've missed blogging and the blogging community and I have been shown amazing grace and mercy from so many of you who have reached out knowing I was suffering and in need of support. Again I thank you so very much for your kind words, help, suggestions and love. 

I don't know what will happen going forward with the blog but I do hope that I am able to keep it up and possibly reach someone who is struggling with an Eating Disorder since so many of you have helped me. 





Thursday, June 26, 2014

Long Overdue…...

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 1:13 PM 5 comments
I am sure you have a list of things that never seem to manifest. We need to do X Y and Z but we never seem to get around to them. Well family photos were mine. Outside of time and money constraints it never seemed to be the right time. We never felt connected or invested in a photographer enough have them capture our joy. I know that sounds bold considering there are a lot of competent people out there, but to be honest I feel our family has a certain dynamic that only the right person could "get". 

At our Easter Egg hunt this year we were told about the photographer and her background. So I emailed her to see what I could find out and to see if this was something we could finally make happen and boy was I led to one amazing blessing. 

Meet Jenn. Guys, I am not even sure where to start. We began emailing one another and to be honest I wanted to kiss her face off from day one. She is amazingly generous, kind and just flat out wonderful. She was awesome enough to schedule a time for us to meet at the Houston Arboretum and take our family photos. These are some of the moments she captured. 

You can find more on my insta @cpcakemama





Please go and like her Facebook page, as well as take a gander at my instagram. Stunning. 

I wanted to mention that it seems so rare to encounter people these days who do something good for someone else and want nothing but your happiness. Jenn is one of those people, she is an amazing example of what it means to be a GOOD person. I am blessed. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

Where, Who, How, and Why...

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 1:12 PM 1 comments
I am sorry for the radio silence here on the blog but I am adjusting to my "new" life. 

Let's get a few things out of the way before I go on and on about the changes happening around these parts. 

So remember when I was telling you about struggling to reach goal weight? Or get back to goal I guess? Yeah; well that has had a nice turn for the BETTER. I did a lot of soul searching and a lot of dreaming about Taco Bell, and Hostess snack cakes and came to the conclusion I am not ready just yet to throw everything away and start stuffing my face. Although it still does sound quite tempting. 


This is what I saw this weekend. Now, I had just gotten back from a 7 miler and it's quite possible that it may not be a 100% true read but after weighing in the last few days I believe it's pretty close. My Weight Watchers "goal weight" is 158, my ideal weight is probably about 150-155? Hard to say to be honest. I am almost 5'9" and right now outside of overuse and fatigue running feels a lot better here than it did 27#s ago. IT TOOK ME ONE YEAR to lose 20#s. I'd like my thyroid back thank you. 

We celebrated our amazing hero here this weekend. (although his present did not arrive on time). We decided to make him breakfast, treat him to an amazing steak dinner, and just generally tried to pamper him. 

Friday's Donuts for Dad!

Emilee INSISTED on him wearing a tie and "reading a newspaper" that she created. The odd part about this is Brian almost NEVER wears a tie and she has been asking for this for about 6 months. So her wish came true. 

So…..

I left my job, I am adjusting, I am cooking and cleaning a lot and am working part time. 

It's going to take some time to decompress, stress less, and not be in WORK WORK WORK mode. I miss having a purpose outside of being here for my family but I believe that is because I have worked so hard for so long that I really don't know any other way. Getting up to make B's lunch, his breakfast and seeing him off for the day is far more rewarding that lamenting over a spreadsheet ANY DAY. But I won't lie. It's different. 

Forgive me as a fumble a bit with the blog, I am trying to get a concrete schedule down and I want to bring you guys relevant and interesting things to read, not just garbage.  Or that's the hope at least! 






Wednesday, June 4, 2014

So Remember When....

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 9:20 AM 1 comments


I thought cancer was scary? Or child rearing (it still is), or meeting new people? Or going back to Church after many years, many tattoos and far too many F words said? 

Well I did something scarier than all of those things combined. 

I quit my job

I have been toying with this idea for quite some time now, crunching the numbers, working hard at trying to "figure it all out" and struggled with the decision for a very long time. Will we be OK? Will we fail? Will I be able to manage everything and everyone with keeping all of my non-negotiable's (meaning running, fitness etc).? Probably not. I probably won't have it all down pat within 10 minutes on the first day but I know when I wake up on Monday I won't be thinking of the stress, the disrespect and overall foolery that has transpired. 

I have worked in the construction industry my entire career, outside of a few blips during in between times. I love it. I love the people, the places I have seen, the ability to wear jeans and running shoes to work everyday and the income it has provided my family over the years. However I don't love my job anymore. In fact I didn't even like it anymore. 

There will be a deficit. There will be issues. There will be days where I wish I were driving BY MYSELF to work, to be in an office ALONE and not have to deal with everyone. BUT I am hoping there are more days that Emilee and I connect more (since she will be coming with me to my part-time situation this summer), and we will have more time together, to explore, to learn and to relearn being together. 

I am excited to see my husband off to work every morning with a kiss and a full belly, I am excited to be able to clean, cook and be with my family. I am BLESSED to be able to attend my Parish's mass on Monday's with Em. I feel lost; I won't lie. But in the end I felt God calling me to BE Emilee's mom and to be Brian's wife and to be honest I can't do that with the stress and turmoil I was having at work. 

Please pray for my family. If you KNOW ANYTHING about us. You know we've been through the ringer, my biggest fear is I am pushing us in that direction with this decision. BUT I know I must try it. I must find peace, happiness and realign my family. 

I love each and every one of you who has cheered me on via Facebook, Instagram and Twitter




Monday, June 2, 2014

It's Been a Hot Minute

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 12:20 PM 0 comments
I am still alive, well and semi sane. 

The last several weeks have been a blur, there are a lot of things going on in our little world, some really positive things and some not so positive things. Or decisions being made. Ever have one of those decisions to make where A. Has it's set of pros and cons and B. Has it's set too? Certain things set them apart but neither option seems like the BEST?

I am struggling very hard between what I feel is my "vocation" and what is "right" for my family, for my head and for my heart. 

I am struggling between seeing the signs God is showing me, trusting them, and acting on them or continuing to live the way I am out of fear or uncertainty. It's a scary place, it is a lot of stress and to be honest it is consuming me. 

I am sorry for being so quiet, and absent from this space. 

I am hoping once all of this clears up that my writing will pick up and I will feel far more Cupcake Earthquake-y. 

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Answer Me This and A Mother's Day Recap

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 9:04 AM 0 comments
Happy Tuesday Folks. 

How was your Mother's Day? Mine was pretty amazing compliments of my husband and daughter. 

I had been searching for the perfect cross necklace and I believe Brian hit the nail on the head. 
It's hard to tell in this photo but there is a small heart in the middle of the cross which I adore. It's perfect. Thank you my handsome husband. 

I also decided that I wanted to build a Bible Garden more importantly I wanted to build a garden dedicated to Mary. 

It was a success, well so far it is and I only had to ask Sir Kitty Cat to remove himself out of the garden 86 times yesterday; so that's good! 
It's lovely, it's super fragrant and such a nice addition to the top of the bookshelf for above mentioned Kitty issues. 


ON to what you came for! The weekly link-up with Kendra from Catholic All Year

What's for dinner?
Tonight I think we are having Vietnamese food. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Last night I made Shake and Bake pork chops, I know right? B loves them. 

What's the last thing you borrowed from someone?
A breathing treatment machine for E when she was sick. Poor girl gets terrible sinus infection and allergy attacks. 

What is your favorite prayer?
Honestly I love praying the rosary. It is very soothing to me, it takes me to a place where I can meditate on what I am actually praying for rather than just reciting the words. 

What is the oldest thing in your house?
Do I count? 

Probably a photograph of my parents and grandparents at my Great Aunt's wedding. It is one of the few photos I have of my dad and I adore it. 

What's the best concert you ever attended?
This is a very difficult question for me to answer because I have been to some downright amazing concerts. I love music, and I love it loud and to the point where I can feel it. 

I have to say the best concert I have ever seen was at a very small venue in Chicago, Joan Jett and Pat Benatar. LONG past their rocking days, but they still put on an amazing show, their energy was awesome and just a great night was had by all. 

Do you have a nickname?
I think my real name (Jodi) is probably my nick name! Ha. I hear mama or baby so much that it catches me off guard when people call me by my first name!

Have a wonderful week y'all!









Thursday, May 8, 2014

Mothers (or I like MUTHA's) Day....We've survived SIX of them!

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 10:32 AM 0 comments
My mom skills are.........Well they need work. I am stuck. We went from this...
To this.....TOO fast. 
(I want to tell all of you that this picture was taken on Christmas day, a Christmas in which our entire living room looked as if a princess threw up pepto all over the place. Oh and we were leaving for WALT DISNEY WORLD two weeks later). She was "bored".

With Mother's Day approaching, my recent wake-up call from God, the Church, my Bible and my heart I am realizing that my mothering skills need a lot of work. It was EASY for me to squish and love on a baby who was adorably robust and constantly cooing and kissing on her mama. It is harder to be a parent to a little person who has MUCH different expectations of you. And voices them. 

It's not enough for me to provide for her in a fiscal way. I need to engage her, I need to nurture her and I need her to see ME in my true vocation. Which I am convinced is being her mom and his wife. 

In the short time (2 months) that we have been actively involved in our church, rosary meetings and activities I have seen a marked change in ALL of us. 

I am more patient, understanding and less hasty in my frustration levels that a six year old can provide. I am thinking outside of the box when it comes to schedules, family dates, and milestones. 

Mothers Day will be celebrated a bit differently in our home this year. I will not lie to you. I want a box of dark chocolate, a pair of over-sized yoga pants, my blanket, a remote and trashy movies on Lifetime. With a husband equivalent of a Saint THIS COULD HAPPEN. 
BUT. I am vowing to spend my time in a better fashion. I want to incorporate our faith and the direction MY life is going in. 

So we will be building a Mary Bible Container Garden. It's a win/win. I get to spend time with her, tell her why it's important and do something that will benefit me too.

I will be perfectly honest with you

My job is stressful. Cancer is stressful. My schedule and self-imposed rules are stressful. For the last few years my mantra has been. Eat, sleep, run. Sleep more. My depression from the things mentioned above has been deep, has spiraled out of control and has made me a bad wife and mom at times. I neglected a lot of what was important being in self preservation mode. I feel terribly guilty but that is not a worthwhile emotion either. 

The moment I sat in a pew my life changed. Radically. I owe my husband and daughter more. They deserve it. Instead of celebrating me being a mediocre mom this year I want to celebrate the promise of being a better mother going forward. 










 

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