Thursday, October 18, 2012

MIA ~ Lots Of Changes

Posted by CupCake Earthquake at 2:13 PM
Sorry I have been missing my friends but life has been handing me some curve balls that I really just want to throw back!

I have been on a number of appointments to various doctors, lots of painful and pointless testing and a lot of "we just aren't sure's" are being exchanged. 

My Endocrinologist suggested awhile back that I needed to see an OB/GYN and soon. I had been putting it off because to be honest I was not ready to deal with that facet of my health and I wanted to "finish" the other odds and ends that surround my health. Last month it was decided the waiting was over. I had to go. 

In the first appointment my new (to me) OB/GYN pretty much sent shock-waves through my entire body and mind.  My ovaries are prematurely failing, there are what they believe to be pre-cancerous cells, and my baby factory needs to be burned down, demo'ed and removed. 

After an ultrasound and now a biopsy I am pretty much feeling violated on a million different levels and I am pretty devastated as well.  In conjunction of MD Anderson I know they are making the right choices. I know they have my best interest at heart and I knew this was coming. I could tell something was not right and I just didn't want to deal with something else. Stupid I know. 

They are moving along quickly with all of the procedures and in a week or so the ability to carry and hold another baby of mine will be taken away from me. (For reasons I understand). I am sad, hurt, confused and have a little why me locked up in there somewhere as well. 

Although I knew it would have been a long shot for us to have more babies with everything that has happened I always held out hope that I would be rocking someone else to sleep and able to smell that sweet new baby smell again. 

I have cried a lot. Broke down in the Disney Store, asked my OB why they insist on having pictures of beautiful babies and pregnant women all over selfish much. 

I know so many people have lost babies, are unable to have them and that I am blessed with one sweet and sassy little lady but I cannot express how sad I am at the thought of not having another one of these: 





3 comments:

Live.Love.Random. on October 18, 2012 at 9:20 PM said...

I'm so sorry Jodi :( I wish I could give you a hug! I have been putting off my "annual" visit too, but I need to go soon. I hope things get better :)

Xo,
Eeka

CupCake Earthquake on October 19, 2012 at 12:42 PM said...

Thanks Beautiful. Things will get better for sure. One day at a time. XOXOXO

luckygirl on October 23, 2012 at 11:53 AM said...

just found your blog and thank you for this post. As a cancer survivor I feel so selfish for being sad/angry about not being able to have another child and am 100% thankful everyday that I have the lil' man that I do. But it SUCKS and it's ok to be upset about it. I wish you a easy, speedy recovery from your surgery and hugs. Thanks again for sharing such and intimate part of your life.

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