I know that most blogs would like you to think that their life is picture perfect, very twee and #amazefest all of the time. I would imagine they have bad days, and when I say bad days I don't mean your pumpkin spice latte spilled on your c/o $9 million dollar dress and accidentally got on your #Prada purse.
By the way I am not hash tagging to "trend" I am hash tagging to be a dick.
Last week was one of those weeks. One where I encountered a lot of bullshit. One where I thought to myself, what the hell is this journey all about? When I got sick I felt scared at first (I guess) and I felt like it was a really strange place to be because I thought I was healthy, and had only gone in for what I thought was a cold. I walked out with a cancer diagnosis. As I rocked along with treatment, misdiagnosis and hospital after hospital I felt like I was swimming, drowning to be more exact. My original surgery was botched, therefore anyone touching my case after that was worried about where their liability would/will fall in regards to my long term care.
I have been on a quest to find the right doctor, the right "fit" and a firm grasp at what the problem is and HOW I fix it.
MD Anderson is an amazing hospital but they are not without flaw. I of course am thankful to be in a place that most cancer patients past or present would "love" to be in the height of their illness, but I have to say cancer is bullshit. Thyroid issues are bullshit and the people who treat said issues can be a real pain in the rear end.
My blog is my platform and thank the stars above it's not overly popular, because I am sure the blog police would be on my rear about calling out professional people and very touchy subjects but since I am a person in the middle said subject I guess it's OK for me to get worked up.
I am a hard working, hard loving, and dream catching woman. I have family, friends, hobbies, dreams, goals and accomplishments I want to see through. Cancer and or any chronic illness put all of your life on pause to tread through the issues that illness presents. It can be an all day appointment, or more testing, or doctors who cannot see eye to eye. It can be the hospital calling you 97 times in one day to assist them in doing their job or it can be the point where you just want to cry because you are not being heard. Sadly not everyone with a chronic illness or particular types of cancer are text book. They may not meet the markers, or grant you perfect scan results.
You fight, you ask more questions, you push harder, you demand more of your doctors. YOU are worth it.
I am worth it, and although I get sick of the "fight" and I get sick of explaining my situation over and over and over to yet another doctor I know it has to be done.
So in other words? Suck it Up Buttercup.
The reason I am posting this is not for a puppy shitting kitten parade about how brave, strong or #inspirational I am. Because I am none of those things in my book. I am a 37 year old woman who was dealt a crappy deck of life cards who excels at jumping through flaming hoops.
I am however human and I see the struggle in the mirror looking back at me. I see the late nights of worry, what if's and what's next's. I invite you to step out of your comfort zone, or life cocoon and grab the people who mean the most to you and hold them close. Live in the moment with them. Don't be the "I will do it next time" guy. Be the "I want to see her/him/them smile this time" guy.