I am vain, I will admit that. I believe everyone is to a certain extent. Gone are my days of spending two hours to get ready for a date, or perfecting the perfect manicure, pedicure and make-up arrangement. I have a child, I have illness, a full time job, a husband and a house to keep.
In High School I had the most amazingly beautiful long curly hair, or course I wore it in a terrible 90's hair style but how could I have predicted that the internet would hold these terrible relics static in time?!?! If I would have known this picture would not exist.
Forgive me father for I have sinned. TERRIBLE.
Moving on. Over the years my hair kept getting shorter and shorter, I would cut it when I was trying to re-invent myself, moody or making some crazy life decision. I never really regretted cutting it shorter but I do miss it from time to time.
When I had E I still felt that I looked like ME when I was looking in the mirror. I had a variation of my fat or "me" hair and I felt my skin, makeup and or facial structure still looked very much like my former self.
As my illness progressed I felt like I was waging this incredible war against time and other forces out of my control. My skin (which has always been one of my best features, and I am not being boastful, I just really liked it!) was changing, my hair was falling out, my eyebrows were gone, my makeup routine was harder and less enjoyable. The reflection I was seeing was a shell of who I was at one point. I no longer felt confident, or beautiful or even cute. I felt very lost and when I would search my own eyes in the mirror I would get a dead, blank and vapid stare.
Here's the thing. We can say that it's what is on the inside that counts and I agree with that a LOT of the time. However if you do not feel like YOU or who you are trying to represent than whatever is on the outside starts consuming the best parts of the inside.
I have been penciling my eyebrows for at least 8 years now. Some days were really rocking! Some days were TERRIBLE.
This is a good day:
And here is a not so good one!:
As you can see depending on the day my penciling skills could go from old school beauty to heavy handed 65 year old women wearing the brightest orange lipstick she could find. Slippery slope folks.
My frustration really started to grow as my running increased (and give me a second to explain). I would get up an hour earlier for races to shower and AT LEAST apply my eyebrows because I was so self conscious about not having them. I could give a shit less if my race photos came out nice because in my assessment if you have beautiful race photos your running effort is trash. Or at least that is what I tell myself when I see mine and they all look like I am going to die, or would like to!
My frustration led to a massive search for someone who could listen to my desires, steer me in the right direction AND allow me to give some feedback as to why I was doing this. Trust me there are a million places in the Houston area to get your eyebrows tattooed. Prices range from $100-$500. The pricing structure was not my concern, the customer service and attention to detail were.
I found the Houston Wellness Boutique based upon Terry's reviews and the following of very happy customers she has in the cancer community.
Her personality is amazing, she is very informative, driven and caring. She also is just one hell of a kick ass person. We laughed, we talked and she really put my mind at ease, I mean she was tattooing my face, to say I wasn't nervous would be a huge lie. I trusted her ability and advice and found I have been penciling my brows 9 shades of wrong. Oops.
This is a photo that was taken a few weeks back, as you can see without makeup on I pretty much had ZERO in the brow department.
I am happy to report my eyebrows were tattooed on Saturday. They are still healing but I could not be more thrilled with the results. It's one step in liking my reflection again. To anyone considering it, in my case they did not hurt but I am also heavily tattooed and have a pretty high pain tolerance. I still have to say it's not very painful. Mine have not bled, been swollen or impossible to manage. Overall the experience was TOP NOTCH.
I am not advocating to worry about your looks. I am however advocating to regain your confidence in the smallest ways possible if you are able.
We are our own worst critics and if you are able to get at least one of the negative conversations you have with yourself daily to subside I am all for it.